


The Haunted House

by lilithiumwords



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Haunted Houses, Humor, M/M, YOI Halloween Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 00:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12569412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithiumwords/pseuds/lilithiumwords
Summary: "Welcome, friends and ghouls, to our Haunted House! Please, come in and make yourselves at home! But be wary, dear friends, for you may find yourself trapped...for eternity."





	The Haunted House

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to the beautiful and amazing cast of the Big Bang On Ice discord server. ILU (*´♡`*) 99% of the ideas here came from #general. :D
> 
> This story also has art, by the amazing @dyeingdoll, located [here](https://dyeingdoll.tumblr.com/post/167059864957/i-said-that-ill-make-fanart-if-someone-writes) and [here](https://dyeingdoll.tumblr.com/post/167090835262/part-2-of-this-victor-chill-amberstarfight)! Amazing!!!

The haunted house is supposed to be the best in the world, rising tall with faint green and purple glows brightening the windows. It certainly _looks_ haunted, though more on the 'spoopy' end of Halloween than actual haunted houses. The host looks suspiciously like Minako- _sensei_ , if Minako- _sensei_ had adopted a mustache and wore a top hat with a pinstripe vest. Yuuri squints.

"Welcome, friends and ghouls, to our Haunted House! Please, come in and make yourselves at home! But be wary, dear friends, for you may find yourself trapped... _for eternity._ " Maybe-Minako- _sensei_ bows, pulling off their top hat, and bats fly out of the hat, while in the background, a scream erupts from the house.

"Ooh, scary," Yuuri mutters. Viktor is tense beside him, already clinging to his arm, which makes Yuuri's lips twitch before he smoothes his expression again. Phichit has already charged ahead with Christophe, arm in arm, and Leo and Guong-hong are quick to follow, Guong-hong putting on a brave face while Leo looks nervous.

Minami almost goes with them, until he notices Yuuri. Suddenly, Yuuri has not one, but _two_ limpets attached to him.

"Yuuri, this is scary," whimpers Viktor, and Yuuri just barely resists rolling his eyes.

"It's alright, Viktor," he says gently, squeezing Viktor's hand. On his other side, Minami is talking a mile a minute, his eyes wide as he takes in the house.

"Yuuri-kun, Yuuri-kun, you don't think there are actually ghosts in there, do you? Yuuri-kun can defeat them though! And I, Minami Kenjirou, will stand at your side the entire way!" Minami holds up his hand, standing up straight. Yuuri does smile now.

"Thanks for staying with me, Minami-kun. Shall we?"

"Okay!"

Viktor is less than excited. "Yuuri, it's awfully dark in there --"

Yuuri doesn't smirk, but he wants to. "Don't worry, Vitya, I've got you." Then he takes his limpets inside.

JJ follows them, boasting loudly about how _not scared_ he is. "I watch stuff like this all the time!" he tells Yurio, whose eye is twitching. Otabek stands silent beside Yurio, gazing at the dark hallway curiously. "You just wait, Yuri-chan, I'll protect you! Not being scared is JJ Sty-- EEEEEK!"

A zombie bursts through a doorway beside him. JJ's scream echoes through the house. Yurio bursts out laughing, and Otabek only sighs. When JJ hightails it in the other direction, Otabek only turns to stare at the zombie, an unimpressed expression on his face.

The zombie pauses, then decides she has something else to do, slowly walking off with an unearthly groan.

"That was beautiful," Yurio sighs, wiping a tear away. "I wish I had gotten a video of it!"

"Don't worry!" chirps Phichit from nearby, and both boys look up to see Phichit beaming at them from a balcony above. "I got it all on video! Uploaded!" The zombie appears beside Phichit, and Phichit happily wraps an arm around her neck, beaming. "Smile!"

"Ooh, are we doing selfies, now?" Chris purrs, wrapping his arms around both the zombie girl and Phichit. The zombie looks like she wishes she were anywhere else -- especially when she turns around to see Chris wrapping his arms around himself erotically, while batting his eyelashes at a nearby skeleton.

Phichit immediately takes another picture. Then he notices a squid demon looming at the end of the hallway and gasps. "Yuuri! What are you doing here?" Swiftly he takes off and grabs the squid demon by the arm, pulling him toward the stairs. "Quick, we need to find Viktor to remind you about the power of love!"

Christophe is too ripping his shirt open to follow.

Elsewhere, Emil pops out of a closet on an unsuspecting Michele Crispino, making him scream as loud as JJ. Emil laughs, his werewolf ears perking up when Michele sags against the wall, trembling. 

"Honestly, Mickey! It's just Emil!" Sara sighs. Mila is laughing beside her, while Emil grins sheepishly.

"Sara, he could have hurt you! I'll protect you!" Mickey cries.

Sara rolls her eyes. "Hard to imagine that when your knees are knocking together."

"Oh, it's okay, Mickey! I'll stay with you!" Emil beams. "Oh, hi, Seung-gil! Want to join us?"

Seung-gil doesn't even look at them. He is dressed like the most stereotypical pirate anyone has ever seen, his face completely placid. "No." He leaves before they can invite him again, intent on finding a different group to scare.

As Seung-gil disappears into the shadows, they can hear him muttering. "Three screams and one faint, fourteen points..."

"Rude," Sara mutters, then brightens when she hears a deep cackle up ahead, followed by the words _Welcome to the Evil Witch's lair._ "Come on, let's go to the next room!"

Mila looks suspicious. "That sounds like Georgi..."

In the basement, Minami has joined up with Guong-hong and Leo, as they run from a horde of skeletons. "I thought you were with Yuuri!" Leo wails, his feet pounding on the concrete floor.

"Viktor said something about Chihoko and ran off! Yuuri went running after him, and I lost them both!" Minami shouts back, turning a corner. His eyes widen when he sees several paintball guns resting on a table. "There!"

"I got it," Guong-hong says, grabbing one of the paintball guns and whirling around to face the skeletons. The skeletons pause, blinking at him, and Guong-hong lets out a war cry, releasing several brightly glowing green balls of slime.

"Ahhhhhhhh!!!"

Leo and Minami watch in mute amazement as the skeletons turn around and run away. When the dust has cleared, Guong-hong calmly stands and sets the paintball gun down, looking up at them with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing," they say together, exchanging a glance.

Somewhere upstairs, on a balcony that looks over the cemetary that doubles as a backyard, a tall creature with the head of a tiger and the body of a carp stands stock still in fear, its knees trembling as a predator advances. Viktor Nikiforov smiles a wide heart-shaped grin, his eyes nearly glowing with fervor.

"I am Katsuki Yuuri's past, present, and future," Viktor breathes, eerie smoke falling from his lips. "You... _Chihoko_... I will overcome you!"

"Vitya!" Yuuri snaps from behind him. "They're just an actor. None of this is real! Let them go!"

Viktor pauses and looks over his shoulder, the eerie effects fading. Yuuri scowls at him, and the Shachihoko actor makes a quick getaway while Viktor is distracted. "But, Yuuri..."

"Come on," Yuuri sighs, taking Viktor's hand and pulling him away from the balcony. "I'm pretty sure everyone else is already out by now."

When they walk out the last door, though, the only people they see are Yurio and Otabek. Yurio is cursing furiously while talking to an officer, while Otabek stands off to the side, avoiding looking at an octopus in a ballet outfit with a bruise on his face.

"What on earth is going on here?" Yuuri exclaims, and Yurio whirls around to point at the octopus ballet dancer.

"He jumped out at us, so I kicked him in the face!"

Behind him, the officer puts a hand over her face, done with everything. Yuuri and Viktor stare, open-mouthed. "Um... well. Otabek? You weren't scared, were you?"

Otabek glances at him. "Not really. Except..."

"Just when the octopus jumped out. That's why I kicked him," Yurio says with a scowl, daring Yuuri to comment.

Yuuri wisely chooses not to. Somewhere behind them, JJ screams again, before the rest of the group spills out of the haunted house, laughing. "Yuuri! You found Viktor! You got remarried!" Phichit exclaims joyfully, snapping a picture.

Yuuri decides he is never going to another haunted house ever again.


End file.
